There is this invention called a bicycle that "runs on fat and saves you money

Three guys are fishing in the Caribbean.
One guy says, ‘My house burnt down. I lost everything but the insurance company paid up and that’s why I’m here.’
The second guy says, ‘My gas station blew up. I lost everything, but the insurance company paid up and that’s why I’m here.’
The third guy says, ‘My farm suffered a terrible flood. I lost everything, but the insurance company paid up and that’s why I’m here.’
The first guy turns to him and says, ‘Flood? How the hell do you start a flood?’

A motorist is making his way down a flooded road after a night of torrential rain.
Suddenly he sees a man’s head sticking out of a large puddle.
He stops his car and asks the man if he needs a lift.
‘No thanks,’ says the man. ‘I’m on my bike.’

Harry had a fantastic country house with two wings,
sadly it flew off the last time they had a big storm.

A climate scientist and a climate change denier walk into a bar.
The denier says, nice to see you. The climate scientist says, nice to CO2.

Why name hurricane fag names like Sandy?
Name that shit Hurricane Death Megatron 300 and I guarantee folks'll be evacuating like they need to.

A climate scientist and a climate change denier walk into a bar. The denier says, bartender, show me your strongest whiskey. The bartender says, this one here. It's 95 percent alcohol. The denier slams down his fist and leaves the bar in a hurry. The scientist says, you know, that's the problem with these guys. You show them the proof, and they still don't buy it.

A climate scientist and a climate change denier walk into a bar. The scientist surveys the room and says to the bartender, I'll have what 99 percent everybody here is having. The bartender turns to the denier and says, how about you? The denier replies, I'll wait to see what the other two percent think?

What did the cow say to the tornado?
You mooooooooooove me.

Patient: Doctor! I’ve been smoking for decades, and now I have a tumor in my lung! Save me!
Doctor: You’re fine. The idea that the human body does not change over the course of the lifespan is ridiculous.

I don't have a Carbon Footprint...
Because I drive everywhere.

The other day I was driving through town and saw all these scantily clad women with sweat beading down their legs and it got me thinking about climate change and CO2 emissions.
So I traded my car in for a SUV.

Whats the difference between weather and climate?
You can't weather a tree, but you can climate!

One method the Coast Guard is using to control the spill is to set it on fire. This is proving to be a boon to the seafood industry as now all the seafood is will be deep fried in oil before it is caught!

When I overheard one of my cashiers tell a customer,
"We haven't had it for a while, and I doubt we'll be getting it soon,"
I quickly assured the customer that we would have whatever it was she wanted by next week.
After she left, I read the cashier the riot act. "Never tell the customer that we're out of anything. Tell them we'll have it next week," I instructed her.
"Now, what did she want?"
"Rain."

I'm still seriously thinking that if everyone in the world each filled one empty 5 litre water bottle up with sea water, and stored the full bottle under the stairs, then it would solve rising sea levels.

My wife left me because of my views on the environment.
I tried saving water by showering with the neighbour's daughter.

Do you know more climate jokes?
We are happy about each mail to klimawitze@die-klimaschutz-baustelle.de.